Tag Archives: snap snap to that shit on the radio

Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

My bizarre Craigslist obsession Yeah it’s all fun and games for you people, you get to reap the benefits of my compulsive browsing, but I am starting to worry it is actually a problem. Like what’s the rationale for when something becomes an unhealthy/addictive behavior? When you start avoiding social situations for its sake and it inhibits your functioning in the everyday world? Yeah, we may or may not be approaching that point. MAYBE I CAN FIND A MEDICAL STUDY REGARDING THIS ISSUE ON CRAIGSLIST, BRB.

It’s real hot out you know?

In related news, I hate pants I haven’t worn them for like three days and honestly at this point I can’t imagine going back. I think Riese said it best:

It’s true. Tell everyone you know: underemployment is the new pantslessness.

That song by that Posner guy about how “you think you’re cooler than me.” (You can see it here, but start at like 1:05 to skip the annoying intro.) Mostly it’s about how this guy who sounds like kind of a dick talking about how he wants to get with this girl, but it’s not working out because she thinks she’s hot shit. Like, she wears sunglasses, and doesn’t always say hi when she sees him! You can tell she’s superficial because she wears makeup and fancy clothes! Basically he bitches about her the whole song because her sense of superiority is keeping her from seeing what an awesome dude he would be to let touch her vagina, even though the only evidence we have that she’s stuck-up is that, um, she won’t let him touch her vagina. If I were Sady Doyle I would write five paragraphs about this, but I’m not, so I won’t. I’ll just say that in eleventh grade I had this English teacher I was kind of in love with and she said once that one of the reasons she was a feminist was men at bars who called her a bitch for not dancing with them. Basically, I’m sick of dudes who think that not wanting to have sex with them forever and ever is a character flaw. The end.

Tonight I had to accept a serious blow to my primary coffeeshop relationship As People Who Know Me In Real Life know, I have a strong commitment to one local coffeeshop, which boasts very attractive baristas of indeterminate gender and excellent lentil soup. But today when my mom wanted to try out a new cafe, I was forced to confront the fact that the place down the street has WAY more vegan options. Like, there are at least eight different vegan wraps, and two vegan soups. Also cookies and muffins! That’s crazy! Do you know how crazy that is? Almost as crazy as going to [redacted] and finding that every single fucking vegan baked good is sold out by noon.

Not being in college is weird? There’s this moment in a certain work of fiction by an author I will not name where one character, who’s a ghost, tries to like playfully punch the protagonist, the way he would when he was alive in moments of affectionate ribbing. But since he’s dead, and therefore ephemeral, he can’t actually make contact with her. He’s kind of jarred by this, being recently deceased, and the protagonist says “yeah,” not unsympathetically, “you’re dead, dude.” That was a lot of how it felt to visit one of my not-yet-graduated friends from college this week; there’s nothing like listening to conversations about grade point averages and summer internships to make you feel really fucking weird. Yeah, you’re a grownup now, dude.

I’m so sick of talking about this Daily Show thing I’m so sick of it I’m just not going to do it. Seriously. I’m not even going to link to the people who did. I’m just over it.

Why do kittens grow up ever Did I tell you we got a kitten? Yeah, we did. let me see if I can get a photo for you.

Pretty cute, right? Cute and TINY? I am afraid that when he grows up, which will be in like approximately a week, I will have to love him less because he will be a dignified and stately full-grown cat instead of a two-and-a-half pound kitten that I could probably eat and still not be full. Do you see what I mean? Is that heartless? SEE THIS IS WHY I CAN’T HAVE CHILDREN.

I think I am slowly becoming nocturnal I don’t think I’ve gone to bed before 3 this week, which if you were my friend in college and had to put up with me getting sleepy around 11:45, is probably infuriating to know. I don’t know what it’s about! Maybe the fact that it only gets cool enough to form complete thoughts around 10:30 pm? Maybe it’s my debaucherous lifestyle? Maybe the fact that [redacted] coffeeshop stays open til 11? I have no answers for you, Internet. Not today or any other day. Okay? Okay.

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Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

As of yesterday, really pretty much everything. For serious y’all, that day sucked. I was super whiny all day, but I feel like that was more or less justified because I really fucking hate:

My advisor calling me at 9:30 am when I’m in bed asleep and telling me I didn’t number my thesis right and now it’s hard to read, and tell me where the next section starts RIGHT NOW Other things I dislike: when I do try to remember where the next section starts even though I’m basically asleep and then you tell me “No, it’s NOT, because that’s not indented.” I’M SORRY I’M BAD AT INDENTING. I’ll throw myself into traffic, ok?

When your school makes you take an extra class for an arbitrary number of credits I was so proud of myself for finally having a reasonable schedule this semester, and then all of the sudden I got this email that was like “Oh hey, I know you tried to get on reduced status since you only have 2 more requirements to fill to graduate, but we won’t let you and also you need to take another class to be a full-time student, even though it would not be helpful to you at all.” Soooooo long story short, I now have a 9 am class every single day. Thank you higher education.

I lost my wallet For like 4 hours, but still, it sucked. And I had to drive Peter to the bus station but it was terrifying to do so when I had no wallet, no license, and no copy of my registration in my car. SUPER ILLEGAL.

Also, I just hate the drivers in this city. Probably the highlight was when an unmarked white van started to reverse its way back down Huntington Ave. Yeah, that was probably my favorite part.

But you know what, it got better! My mom took me out to dinner and I had a super time at work and Peter bought me a bottle of tea, and as a special gift to me from God the radio played Bad Romance like five times in forty-five minutes, and really there is nothing that drinking half a bottle of wine and then dancing to Paparazzi can’t solve. THE END.


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