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Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

Parking tickets. I have gotten two so far this month. I don’t know that they were unjust, exactly – I understand that I parked my car in a lot for which I do not have a permit. Twice. Two different lots. I think it’s worth mentioning, though, that those are also the only two lots that are a) actually on campus and b)big enough to put multiple cars in. I think it’s at least worth asking why they won’t give me a permit to park there.

I think it is maybe fall now? I can tell, because sometimes I go outside and am cold. What’s that about?

Remember every crazy and patently false thing that Californians said in order to pass Prop 8? It is all happening again but in Maine. The thing that makes me craziest is the “schools” argument. What everyone is saying is that “if this bill passes allowing two consenting adults to marry each other in a private and non-religious ceremony, my child will learn about gay sex in school.” Which is a crazy thing in and of itself, and clearly baseless and insane. Except what’s even crazier that it turns out what they actually mean is “my child’s teacher may be forced to admit, if questioned, that gay people actually exist.” Like, can I show you this? This is the transcription of an actual TV ad being shown in Maine right now.

(Narrator) Some say that gay marriage doesn’t have anything to do with schools.
(Teacher) But it has everything to do with schools!
(Mother) After Massachusetts legalized gay marriage, our son came home and told us that school taught him that boys can marry other boys. He’s in second grade!
(Father) We tried to stop public schools from teaching children about gay marriage, but the court said we had no right to object or pull him out of class.
(Teacher) It’s already happened in Massachusetts. Gay marriage will be taught in our schools unless we vote Yes on Proposition 8.

“His teacher taught him that boys can marry other boys.” Yes, s/he did, because that is factually accurate. It is a legal right that two men have in 2009. It turns out that you are angry, straight homophobic people of Maine, at the thought that the public education system will not be allowed to lie to your children the way that you presumably do in the home. I mean, you’re not even worried that people might say it’s okay to marry someone of the same sex. It’s not even about that. You’re concerned that they might admit it happens. This is so fucking crazy I can’t even deal.

It turns out I actually am completely unemployable. I went to a career fair at my school this week, and learned many things about myself. For instance, I do not look as hot as Portia de Rossi in business casual wear; in fact, I just look uncomfortable and poorly dressed, which is what I am. Also, I have no useful or marketable skills besides smiling widely and acting enthused. The only way I was even able to talk to anyone was by pretending that the fact that I have used Twitter and Stumbleupon for my internship makes it in “marketing.”

You know what? Hating a lot of things has made me tired. It’s been a long week, and to be honest this weekend is going to be pretty busy too. If you are in the same boat, maybe we should all just watch this video of football players dancing to Beyonce and tiny effeminate gay boys triumphing on the field of battle and call it a day.

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Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

Center parts. I didn’t realize that my feelings about this were so strong until a series of conversations about haircuts this week enlightened me. Guys, here is the deal: center parts do not look good on anyone. Ever. Or at least they do not particularly flatter anyone, and I personally believe that every person wearing a center part at this moment would look better if they just whipped out a comb and redid that sucker to the side. Seriously! Even if you are wearing pigtails, you can move it over like a centimeter and they still won’t be uneven and it will make you look less like you’re nine.

This whole Caster Semenya thing. Guys, just leave her alone! Stop talking about her internal anatomy! Stop giving her creepy makeovers! Just let her do what she does best, which is run better than like anyone else on earth!

Joe Wilson. I have never seen the footage of the 1986 Mets/Sox World Series game, but I still fucking hate Bill Buckner. Similarly, I did not actually watch President Obama’s speech on healthcare, but I still fucking hate Joe Wilson for acting like a thirteen-year-old playing the penis game at a school assembly (and for this he makes more money per year than I will probably ever see, and has better healthcare than 99.7% of America). The only nice part of this story is that apparently his opponent, Democrat Rob Miller, has seen 750,000 in donations over the past few days because of this.

When it’s raining, and you have to go outside, and you have an umbrella but it’s been run over by cars when you dropped it in the middle of a highway once and doesn’t really work anymore.

THIS IS THE SCARIEST THING EVER Nine Turkish women had to be rescued from what was billed as a reality show, but was actually a plan to keep them captive inside a house and sell pictures of them on the internet. Oh Jesus Oh Jesus that is so terrifying

People who use way too much jam on their toast and also it is not even their jam Seriously, I cannot even see the bread under there anymore. It’s jam, not a sandwich ingredient. Settle down.

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