Monthly Archives: August 2011

calling all women

Friends, Romans, countryladies, lend me your ears!  (Or eyes, I guess.)  Let me tell you a story:

Recently I decided to start a litzine that only prints work by female-bodied or female-identified people.  I read one of many recent (actually kind of legit!) trend pieces talking about the gender gap in literary culture, wherein litmags and other publications (looking at you, Harper’s) published and reviewed way more work by men than by women.  You can see infographics of VIDA’s study at their website; it’s pretty depressing.  So right then and there, sitting at my work desk, I decided to set up an outlet that published only things by women.

Oh dear.

Depressing, right?

Anyway, Broad! is online now (!!) and needs contributors desperately.  I don’t have the money right now to pay you if your work is accepted, but I will send you a copy of the first issue!  Submissions should be sent to broadzine [at] gmail [dot] com and guidelines can be found on the zine’s blog.  Deadline’s October 1.  If you don’t receive a response from us within eight weeks, feel free to track me down via Google and stop me on my walk home from the office (or, alternatively, send me a chastising email).

We can always use volunteers to proofread, edit or otherwise help out with the publication as well.  Shoot me an email or post a comment if you’re interested!

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Listicle Without Commentary: Conditions I Have, At Some Point or Another, Decided I Suffered

  • scurvy
  • skin cancer
  • paranoia
  • blood infection on account of spider bite
  • Spider-Man vision (unrelated)
  • panic disorder
  • brain tumor (singular)
  • diabetes type II
  • Asperger’s
  • brain tumors (multiple)
  • arrogance
  • genius
  • foolishness
  • bradycardia
  • that illness wherein you feel disconnected from an external, physical reality
  • hypochrondria

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silver and gold

hey-o! i have been here more than a week now, which is crazy, but also maybe not. depending on the time of day it either feels way longer than that or way shorter. in that time i have found space for almost all my dishes & pots & pans (not all though, there’s a bowl and a tart pan on the floor next to my closet) and have gone to five different grocery stores. i have had my own internet installed and collapsed a shit-ton of boxes. but what about my usually active and fulfilling social life? well, obviously, despite the fact that i moved here knowing only two people, one of them being a professor and the other one being married to a dude in chicago that she lives with when class isn’t in session, i have a ton of friends now, because i’m super socially adept. they are as follows:

  • landlord: small, orange-colored, about 75, named Bob
  • cashier at the mexican grocery, with whom i chatted about black beans, and we were able to come to an agreement w/r/t their tasting good
  • Sandra, the mentally ill and/or addicted lady who lives one street down and who has come to my door three separate times now and asked if i’m going to be around later and if she can stop by and so now all my shades are down because i live on the first floor and it’s almost impossible to pretend i’m not home
  • Brian (Bryan?), the Charter company employee who came to install my internet today. honestly he is probably my best friend here so far, we talked about whether he gets paid by the hour, how good my cup of coffee smelled, and where to eat italian food in kzoo.
  • Matt, the gregarious and customer-focused employee at grocery store no. 5. he gave me a sample of “roasted root vegetable medley” and apologized for being out of lemons.
i know, i would be jealous too

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RELOCATED

hello internet! i am now writing on you from a different location and via a different, and for the time being stolen, internet connection. i hope it’s still as good for you as it is for me. mostly i’ve been hanging out and doing some pretty cool stuff, like unpacking boxes, collapsing unpacked boxes, not unpacking the boxes full of shit that i don’t know what to do with (extra ice cube trays???) and one time eating at a bob evans with my dad, which was weird. i’ve been to meijer two times and hope to never go again, and have cooked exactly one thing inside my tiny, childlike almost easy-bake 3/4 size oven. (it was broccoli.) so far this place seems pretty cool, especially since i don’t know anyone here really and therefore most of my social interaction has been with postal workers. (who seem cool!) there is a book arts center which i will go to next week and hopefully take classes at, and tomorrow i think i will finally venture to a cafe because i am a grown ass woman and i can pay someone else to make my coffee for me. what have you been doing?

also, batia gave me these for my birthday, which was neat. and terrifying.

And I found a really great picture of Bobby Seale eating breakfast. The end.

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happy birthday

This is about two hours late, but it was Rachel’s birthday yesterday.  Let’s wish her a good one, and a good life in [state redacted] while she goes for her graduate degree!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL

WE LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU

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an open letter to the grocery store on my walk home

Dear [redacted],

Last time I came in for kale and it wasn’t there, I imagined you must have run out of the bags of kale I like.  Kale’s known to be a popular item among the liberal/vegan/devil vegan liberal elite.  But apparently, that is not the case; apparently, you have stopped carrying the brand of kale I buy.  I saw your bagged produce displays today; I saw how you replaced the kale section with that “wild rocket” shit, as if it’s the same.  I know what you’re up to and I will not eat rocket, I won’t!  (Well, all right, I’ll eat it.  But I will be significantly less satisfied with my meal than I would be if I ate kale.)

Why would you do this?  Why so heartless?  I could buy a bundle of fresh kale for a lot more money, I guess, as that’s the only alternative you offer, but as a childless unmarried woman it would take me two months to eat all of it.  Hell, it took me three weeks just to work my way through the bags you no longer supply.

Don’t do me like this, baby.  Don’t be so cruel.  I need this!  Just one bag, and that’s it.  Just one crinkly plastic bag of kale that says Best By and Fresh Express on the front.  Just one three-week supply of kale that costs me, like, $3.  Give me the chance to say goodbye to the cheap green goodness.

Malnutritionally yours,
Heather

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jaane kyun

this is what my room has looked like for the past ~3 days:

I think I need to get rid of that ski jacket you can see hanging in the closet, I’ve had that since like 2004. Anyways clearly my entire life is an equivalent huge mess, and all I do now is eat scones until I’m physically ill and play the X Files on Netflix on my shitty connection and pack in between mild panic attacks. The good news is that I’ve had occasion to try many new and exciting ways to drink tequila! Also, duh, Jaane Kyun. I hope you’re all having great weekends!! xoxo, gossip girl.

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