Monthly Archives: June 2011

Stuff Heather Thinks is Super Great

Weird Al released a new album, Alpocalypse, today.  You think I would be kind of blasé about this, as I’m no longer twelve.  I thought that too — until I heard the damn thing, that is.  Amazon’s selling it for $3.99!  How could I not buy it?  In fact, I am rocking out to “Party in the CIA” right now.  (Afterward, I’ll play “Polka Face,” Alpocalypse‘s obligatory polka medley of pop songs, and then maybe “Perform This Way,” and then “Craigslist.”)

Yesterday, Flavorwire published an article entitled “How to Drink Like Your Favorite Authors.”  Relevant to our interests here at HRHF?  Why yes, I would say so.

Pretty much every Robyn track I have in iTunes.  Not many, to be fair.  But boy howdy, if there was ever music made for public street dancing, Robyn is the one who made it.  (And Gaga, obviously.  And La Roux.  But Robyn’s up there, is what I’m saying.  Have you heard “Fembot”?  Or “Stars 4-Ever,” the spelling of which doesn’t even bother me in the face of its mad beatz?  Or, or “Indestructible”?  Or goddamned motherfucking “Call Your Girlfriend”?)

Poets & Writers has been posting weekly writing prompts for lackluster/slacker writers like me.  Thank you, Poets & Writers!  Getting back into the habit of writing — and trying other kinds of writing, too, like (bad) poetry and whatnot — is one of my major goals for the summer, so maybe this will help me stay on track.  (That being said, I thought a certain July deadline would keep me on track and I just threw out my draft to start over yesterday, so.  Hrm.)

The New Yorker thinks we should read aloud more.  I wholly agree.  That’s all.

To conclude the Writing Portion of this week’s SG installment, the Rumpus posted an essay called “No One Can Take a Bath for You: Why I Write.”   This, among other things (see above), has instilled in me a new determination to get productive and make things.  Stories, largely, but also things like plays or songs or burlesque pasties.  They’re not going to make themselves.

Also, I am about to go cook the first macaroni and cheese I will have eaten since Christmas.  How is that possible??  I am not even a vegan.  I fucking love cheese.  Oh man, oh man.  Why am I still blogging, you ask?  Why, that is a good question.  Goodnight and good luck.


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denizens of my neighborhood with whom i interacted today

Guy at liquor store – asked him for change so I could get some quarters to feed the meter. Was super nice, offered me extra quarters for some reason, and then we had a fairly legitimate “moment” characterized by inexplicably long eye contact. Left feeling good despite my mild PTSD at being in a liquor store after how much I drank last weekend.

Guy at consignment shop – attractive dude wearing beard, glasses and waistcoat who REALLY reminded me of Andrew. His name was John, said his husband had just started law school at Northeaster, was super cute.

Girl at consignment shop – lots of eyeliner and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt. REALLY reminded me of my brother’s psycho ex, but I valiantly managed to not hate her despite this. Her name was also Rachel, and we had the longest conversation I’ve ever maintained about the different ways to spell it, and also about the fact that she used to work at Forever 21 in the mall.

Lady in line behind me in consignment shop  – decided she liked a dress I had brought to be consigned but that wasn’t accepted. Asked how much I wanted for it, I was confused and said “Uh, whatever, maybe like $5? I was just going to donate it.” She thought about it and said “Would you take $3?” I said yes and she asked if I could make change for a ten. Thanks to Guy At Liquor Store, I could.

Girl sitting across from me in coffee shop – did not really ‘interact,’ unless you count as ‘interaction’ that period of time where there was  really loud chiming noise in our vicinity for kind of a long time and I was like 80% sure it was coming from her laptop but she acted like she couldn’t even hear it and I never said anything about it.

Girl on the sidewalk on my way home from Market Basket – asked me if I knew whether there was  Target farther down the street, and when I didn’t answer immediately, asked again but this time pronounced Target as “Tar-jay.” I left confused as to whether that was actually a way some people think it is pronounced. (Is it?)

Guy who rang our doorbell at like 6:30 – was a stranger, turned out he was looking for someone who lives in the downstairs apartment. I showed him where their doorbell is as opposed to ours, he said “Yeah, it looks broken” and then I rang it for him. He said thanks.

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facts about my life

+ i am the only person on earth who cannot manage to finish her work before 1 AM on a weeknight when she gets up at 6:30 despite having a PERSONAL INTERN
+ this is because, in part, of the fact that finishing Season 5 of the X Files was a more important priority even though I’ve been putting it off for days
+ well, watching Season 5 while practicing putting on eye makeup
+ and braiding my hair
+ i was deeply unsatisfied by the end of Season 5
+ this article still isn’t done
+ one of the images i used for an article today was originally sourced from a porn site
+ used it anyway
+ but if anyone needs a hot date at 12:30 am on a Monday night, my hair and makeup look baller right now, so
+ or just someone to talk to about the end of Season 5, because I mean really

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Stuff Heather Thinks is Super Great

As I haven’t done this in a couple weeks –– been busy/lazy, then the computer screen broke and I had to give it to the Genius Bar for a week, etc –– there’s an assload of stuff this week, and as such this entry is going to be what Autostraddle/the Awl entitles a “listicle without commentary.”  (Except there will be minor commentary, because if you hadn’t noticed, I like to talk.)

  • Born This Way (new life goal: marry the night)
  • Pride Week/Month
  • Corsets, fishnets, suchlike
  • Clarisse Thorn’s blog on sex-positive feminism (fascinating! also, initially what I thought broke my computer)
  • this excerpt from Mindy Kaling’s forthcoming book (!!!!1!)
  • that cat-mom-hugs-baby-kitten video
  • the BBC’s Sherlock (though mostly because it produced Cumberbomb and Martin Freeman on the tee-vee)
  • the Sam/Mercedes/Samcedes pairing on Glee  (ABOUT FRIGGING TIME AMIRITE)
  • Dear Sugar (thanks Batia)
  • the New Yorker coverage of the whole Anthony Weiner thing (particularly this bit)
  • the excerpts of Jeff Bond’s fake Brady Bunch novel on McSweeney’s, Here’s the Story of a Lovely Lady (for which I have been waiting all my life)


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Stuff Rachel Has Feelings About

This week’s installment will be a mixed-media interpretation of a well-known Clint Eastwood work.




My job. See below for a thorough visual representation.


The internet. I’ve decided I hate it, and may just quit forever. That is all.

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of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of mustaches and kings

The other day at [costume store] I came across an entire series of false, self-adhesive mustaches in baggies.  I had a pair of fishnets and a garter in hand already, and later that afternoon I would have to pay the Genius Bar a few hundred dollars to repair my computer, but still.  I wanted a mustache so hard.  Like, immediately.  They looked so realistic!

But!  I try to be a sensible lady when it comes to money.

Where would you wear a mustache? I asked myself.

Where wouldn’t I wear it?  I answered.  Because if I were to buy, say, a handlebar –– and it would have to be a handlebar or walrus sort of affair, because why even bother buying a fake mustache otherwise –– I’d wear the damn thing out.  And develop a skin rash above my lip from putting it on and peeling it off constantly.

Because of the computer repairs, I did not buy a mustache that day.  I know where they are kept, though, I can always find them again.  (One day I will pair a handlebar mustache with a femmy sundress and a big old hat.)

Sometimes I think about my life now and imagine what my parents would say, and usually it is something along the lines of “Oh, geez!”

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