hey there stranger

I am carefully avoiding looking at the calendar section that says how long it’s been since I wrote anything in here because I know it’s been a long time and I’m sorry. I have no reason not to be here; I actually sit in front of a computer between seven and infinity hours a day now, so this should be easy as pie. I don’t know; to be honest my new job is one of the least hard and least interesting things I have ever done, and somehow it has this effect where my head feels like it is full of cotton and the most complicated mental task I am capable of is online shopping. Is this what America is? If so, I don’t think I get it.

I keep having posts planned out, and some of them are even half written, but so far all of them have ended in me staring at them motionlessly for a while before clicking over to a different tab and eventually getting up to find tea or crackers or a handful of raisins. To be honest, I don’t foresee that changing anytime soon. I can’t remember a time since the new year when I was able to think much beyond a handful of raisins. I also can’t think in a particularly focused or structured or Team Player way at work, which I keep feeling guilty about in a halfhearted way and then giving up. I doodle during conference calls and research haircuts if I don’t have an urgent assignment. Maybe writing that on the internet can get me fired. I don’t know! Here are my top 15 ways to waste corporate time.

  1. Browse eBay for things you can convince yourself you need
  2. Walk to the kitchenette to get more tea, walk back
  3. Repeat, walking the long way
  4. Read your RSS feed, avoiding the ‘not work appropriate’ blogs but thinking the IT people can probably see them anyway
  5. Walk through kitchenette to go the long way to the bathroom, check to see if any free food has appeared
  6. Start to write heartfelt and detailed emails about yourself/your life that you owe to loved one, stop because you wonder if the IT guy can read it
  7. Email your parents
  8. On conference calls: draw realistic pen sketches of boats or seashells on PostIts, make small pieces of origami
  9. Research new origami folds
  10. Write secret journal entries/story sketches in an actual physical notebook that the IT guy cannot read
  11. Figure out what groceries you need at the store on your way home, what you will eat that night
  12. Heat up the lunch you brought to work, eat it slowly, realize you still have a half hour of lunch left and don’t know what to do
  13. Open up the page where you can see what your paycheck will be this week, stare at the number
  14. Check on Amazon to see if there are any legwarmers or pastry bags or hoodies or notebooks on sale with free shipping
  15. Jiggle the mouse occasionally so that your boss doesn’t see your status in Outlook go from “active” to “idle”
Advertisements

5 Comments

Filed under Rachel

5 responses to “hey there stranger

  1. Batia

    Speaking from experience, post-it notes work perfectly for this:

    https://www.math.lsu.edu/~verrill/origami/sonobe/

  2. Brianna

    “integrity training” Please explain.

  3. jstlookinaround

    Sounds fun Rachel – I know exactly what you’re talking about.
    For this past couple of weeks, i’ve been wasting corporate time, except that it’s not corporate for me, it’s grad school time for me.

    I hope the IT people for the school network can’t see the NSFW sites i visit – I don’t wanna share the good stuff with them.

    Anyways, good to have you back (been missing your entries) 😀

  4. Peter

    jstlookinaround – They absolutely can. They don’t care though, so don’t let that stop you.

  5. Heather

    I hadn’t thought of the IT people! Oh dear.

    Then again, my coworker called me over the other day to show me a yt video of a golden Labrador trained to dance the merengue, so the Glee covers I listen to at work are probably less embarrassing in that context.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s