an open letter to a certain tech company

Dear [redacted],

When I purchased your external hard drive last month, it was with the intent to ease the minds of my parents, who were freaking out that all their stuff would be lost once they set up their new computer.  The external I bought was slick-looking, small, portable, and promised The Best Backup Job Ever Ever EVAR.  At 750 gigs, I figured, I could not go wrong!

Oh, how naive I was.

Now that I have uploaded my parents’ beloved documents, mp3s of Kansas songs and whatnot onto your external hard drive, I find that I cannot move those files to the new computer.  The purportedly-simple file restore you offer refuses to comply with my meager demand.  “Here!” I said (and continue to say) to your small, infernal machine. “Right here in front of my MOTHERLOVING EYES onscreen –– here are the backup files you so generously kept aside for me!  Will you restore them onto this computer, so my parents may enjoy their Kansas and photographs of Christmas Past?  Will you do this for me, my friend, so I may avoid great parental fear and waving of the arms while shouting in panic?”  It’s not an unreasonable request.  But what did your external drive do then?  Why, it brought up a window saying that as it could not open a file correctly, the restore had failed.  Again.

I’m going to come right out and say it: your computer products are shitty.  You should have stuck with making televisions.



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