Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

I fucking suck at Halloween. Do you know what I dressed up as? Nothing. Or, if you’re feeling really obnoxious, you could say I dressed up as “girl in highly-reviewed-on-Yelp-Indian-restaurant” or “person who appears dismissive towards the children in costumes on the street” or I guess technically I still could have been Tao Lin. I mean at some point that day I had to have had a neutral facial expression. But it’s not quite the same, you know? We didn’t get a single trick or treater. I dunno, I’ve never been as into/good at Halloween as Heather, but I think it’s fair to say this represents a historic low.

Jesus God I still have not even emailed my professors to ask for letters of recommendation You could argue that if this part of it is too difficult, then the actual degree might be a little over my head. But please don’t argue that.

I am embarrassingly reticent to vote tomorrow This must be how alcoholics feel when they see drunk driving PSAs. I mean, I know it’s like important and stuff and according to Olivia Wilde the future of the nation rests on my shoulders but honestly, I only have a few hours tomorrow that I don’t have to be at work, and I’m not super pumped about spending them in a car driving to a polling place and then polling and then driving back from the polling place. I haven’t even researched who to vote for. Which is stupid and wrong. Sorry, America. Sorry if I’m fucking your shit up.

I think I am maybe already getting burned out on pumpkin-flavored things Which is not ok because they are the only bright light in the unbearable freezing six-month ice storm that is about to descend on us

I’m really bad at watching scary movies I have always kind of known this about myself, and it is something my family has always just been used to. It wasn’t until I watched a “horror” movie “for Halloween” with someone I didn’t grow up with that I realized how out of control this was. Honestly, I’m old enough to be imprisoned for life or legally marry a Tea Partier, how can I not process that the things happening on the screen are not real.

The Food Network show Down Home With The Neelys I can’t help but think it is horribly racist/that the people on it are being scripted/coached to fulfill every stereotype there is of southern black families, but then it also makes me second guess myself and think that probably this conviction makes me racist myself. I cannot win here. Also, I’m sorry, but I have not seen a single dish on there that I wanted to eat. Except maybe the peach cobbler but really? Two cups of sugar? Have you ever had a peach? You do not need to put any sugar on that.

Another professor from our old university came into work the other day, was crazy, did not recognize me Actually in retrospect I don’t really hate that, it was kind of hilarious/awesome.

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3 Comments

Filed under Rachel

3 responses to “Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

  1. Brianna

    RE: “I am embarrassingly reticent to vote tomorrow” AGREE WITH/RELATE TO EVERYTHING HERE. I hate myself.

    Should I really vote at all if I can’t name every single person who’s going to be on the ballot and what their issues are?

  2. Heather

    I agree with pretty much everything you said. Points in fact:

    1) I researched the state candidates last night and this morning.
    2) I went to see the remake, not even the original, of The Omen with coworkers a few years ago and everyone at the store pretended to shriek/cover their eyes whenever they saw me for weeks afterward.
    3) Last week I saw the Neelys’ show for the first time, at my grandpa’s house, and the second he fell asleep I spent the rest of the episode reading Jez on my phone. OMG, that show is the worst.

  3. emma

    i love the neelys ahhh

    “this drink is for sistah-friends, not husband-friends!”

    fact: a friend of mine had an interview for a position at the food network and they asked her who her favorite host was. she said the neelys and the person interviewing her said, ‘yes, they’re very popular because they’re black.’

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