Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

Heterosexual weddings are weird. It’s entirely possible, maybe even probable, that homosexual weddings are just as weird/weirder, but I’m going to hold out hope for that until I have a gay friend who is emotionally stable enough to ever make a lifetime commitment to another person. I had never been to a wedding before this weekend, and now I think they are mostly about fried food and whiskey sours and hearing all the same stories from high school that everyone has told over and over. Also, old people. Also, James Brown. I don’t even know how to feel, you know? You know.

I really just do not know what to write for daily fixes anymore Approximately once every month or two, someone on the AS editorial team will tweet “this is it. it’s over. i can’t write anymore. i just don’t know how to write one more thing.” I think this is my turn. Dan Choi? Church scandals? DOMA? I just don’t know. I think that the reason I can never be a real journalist is that whenever a story gets just heavy and important enough that it actually really should be written about and talked about, I lose interest, because it’s just too much for me. Like I think what I probably actually should write about is this Shirley Sherrod/NAACP thing; it is actually kind of important? But all the name-calling and yelling and stupidity just makes me tired and need an advil and so I go browse the internet for vegan recipes instead.

I hate the internet. Really.

Being lucky is not the same thing as being happy. This is just a fact.

I don’t think I will ever have a craigslist-funded alternative lifestyle haircut, and that’s unfortunate. I ran out of hair conditioner like two weeks ago and haven’t bothered to buy more. So my hair is kind of gross and weirdly fluffy and hay-like, and also really hot. But at the same time, I don’t want it short badly enough to shell out $50. Am thinking about approaching the hipster hair salon in [redacted] square and asking if they ever do free haircuts for instructional purposes. That can’t possibly end badly, right?

I am actually the worst daughter, ever I realized when driving home tired and slightly hung over from said heterosexual wedding today that my dad’s birthday was last week, and despite my constant sort of vague confusion and guilt about not knowing what to get him as a gift, I had somehow managed to forget the actual day. When I called to apologize and wish him a happy birthday, his being so nice about it actually made it probably one hundred times worse: “Oh, that’s fine, honey. You remembered eventually! And it was only last week, so it’s not even that long ago.”

I just want someone to go get me a mango, or even a pineapple. Is that so much to ask. Is it.

Advertisements

10 Comments

Filed under Rachel

10 responses to “Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

  1. Heather

    I agree, luck and happiness are not even close to the same state. And if it’s any consolation, I haven’t bought conditioner either — I keep meaning to pick up avocado oil and try that out, but forgetting, and then I either skip conditioner or salvage a bit of the really old bottle of Sunsilk sitting on the lower shower shelf. Coincidentally, it turns out that Sunsilk makes my hair look and feel terrible.

  2. emma

    i will cut your hair.

  3. Brianna

    You should just write the daily fix about vegan recipes. It could work. Maybe.

    I’ve got my dad’s birthday narrowed down to three different dates. I’d probably forget like you did if my mom didn’t remind me in advance.

    • Rachel

      we actually just published a post on vegan food blogs! although someone prettier than me wrote it. thank you for the vote of confidence though.

      • Batia

        no joke: just saw that post, wondered if you wrote it, then was sad to see it was not you

      • Brianna

        I feel like I foresaw that vegan post! I also thought it might have been you.
        Saw your comment about a raw food blog – do you think you could go raw for a month? I read a lot about it a while back but I’m not even vegetarian. It’d be quite a leap.

        “although someone prettier than me wrote it.”

        Hey, I don’t know about that.

  4. Rachel

    i don’t know, eating raw sounds really really hard, and also i’m not convinced that it’s actually good for you or anyone else, whereas there are fairly solid ethical reasons for veganism. also i read a thing about it a while ago that made me both really intrigued and really turned off. let me see if i can find it, yeah i talked about it here.

    that said, though, i did just eat this for dinner.

    • Brianna

      I read that article and the first comment – there’s a documentary on raw food! Guess I gotta see that now…

    • Batia

      I’m going to cut in and say that there is no context in which I am ok with starting a sentence with “As a colonic hydrotherapist here in New York,”

      IMMEDIATE RED FLAG

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s