Emma Also Has Feelings

Hey, everybody.

Emma here.  Some of you may know me from the comments section, where my trademark wit/love of capslock has made me something of a minor celebrity.  And, as you may also know, I am IRL friends with Heather and Rachel, as well as Rachel’s IRL roommate. Because of my close relationship with said bloggers, I have been asked to write this blog’s inaugural guest post and have decided to use the opportunity to present my own feelings about Heather and Rachel.  Without further ado, I present Emma Has Feelings About Heather and Rachel.

Heather and Rachel Are Okay. They are pretty cool people. We’ve been friends for awhile.

The Celebrities Heather and Rachel Most Want to Fuck Are Michael Chabon and Keira Knightley With Short Hair, Respectively. My response to both of these is “ew.” Chabon looks like a predatory drama teacher and Knightley ruins every movie she is in (JUST TELLING THE TRUTH HERE).

Heather and Rachel Love Feminist Blogs. They get mad at me for saying things like, “Jessica Valenti is annoying” or “Jezebel commenters are dumb Wesleyan freshman.”  Actually, they get mad at me for saying other people are annoying a lot.

On that note, Heather and Rachel Don’t Really Talk Shit On Other People. I do.

Heather and Rachel Don’t Drink Coffee. Again, weird.  Heather only drinks chai and Rachel, as we know, is obsessed with tea/would have sex with tea if it were physically possible.  Tea is okay and everything, but coffee is better.

Heather and Rachel Are Pretty Good Roommates. I am definitely the weak link when it comes to roommate stuff like having a car, cooking and being clean.  I do, however, take care of the cat (because he is MINE).

Anyway, that’s all folks.  Need to go listen to Best Coast/Mel Gibson audio on my IPOD TOUCH.

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7 Comments

Filed under Guest

7 responses to “Emma Also Has Feelings

  1. Heather

    I have feelings about this, and they are positive.

  2. Batia

    Emma, I would have to agree on your overall assessment of Rachel and Heather, and applaud your honest appraisal of Chabon and Knightley (you guys can do better).

    Don’t worry about being the bad roommate. Come August, I will be there, and any benefits I bring are mostly made redundant by Rachel. I don’t even have a cat (side note: I am really excited to meet Dmitri).

    Also, What Rachel feels for tea, I feel about the nightshade family of plants (esp the Solanum genus). Though if it were possible to have sex with them, I might need to go in for a 3-way with the Crucifers. Probs I need to spend less time thinking about vegetables y’all.

    • Rachel

      batia, i’m going to be honest, saying that you want to have sex with the nightshade family of plants makes you sound suicidal.

      • Batia

        Not the poisonous part, more the tomato/eggplant part. Though how badass are the other nightshades?

      • Heather

        It really does. It reminds me of this beautifully gothic poem we read (by Tennyson? I think?) in Victorian Poetry wherein, according to a certain English prof, the author “wanted to be where sex and death meet.” This, based on the imagery of commingling red flowers and white flowers.

  3. andrew

    the mel gibson audio leak could hit top 40

  4. Rachel

    i would like to say that i don’t particularly like jessica valenti either and that i don’t get mad at you for talking shit emma! i think i just occasionally mildly disagree. other than that your assessments are accurate.

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