Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

My bizarre Craigslist obsession Yeah it’s all fun and games for you people, you get to reap the benefits of my compulsive browsing, but I am starting to worry it is actually a problem. Like what’s the rationale for when something becomes an unhealthy/addictive behavior? When you start avoiding social situations for its sake and it inhibits your functioning in the everyday world? Yeah, we may or may not be approaching that point. MAYBE I CAN FIND A MEDICAL STUDY REGARDING THIS ISSUE ON CRAIGSLIST, BRB.

It’s real hot out you know?

In related news, I hate pants I haven’t worn them for like three days and honestly at this point I can’t imagine going back. I think Riese said it best:

It’s true. Tell everyone you know: underemployment is the new pantslessness.

That song by that Posner guy about how “you think you’re cooler than me.” (You can see it here, but start at like 1:05 to skip the annoying intro.) Mostly it’s about how this guy who sounds like kind of a dick talking about how he wants to get with this girl, but it’s not working out because she thinks she’s hot shit. Like, she wears sunglasses, and doesn’t always say hi when she sees him! You can tell she’s superficial because she wears makeup and fancy clothes! Basically he bitches about her the whole song because her sense of superiority is keeping her from seeing what an awesome dude he would be to let touch her vagina, even though the only evidence we have that she’s stuck-up is that, um, she won’t let him touch her vagina. If I were Sady Doyle I would write five paragraphs about this, but I’m not, so I won’t. I’ll just say that in eleventh grade I had this English teacher I was kind of in love with and she said once that one of the reasons she was a feminist was men at bars who called her a bitch for not dancing with them. Basically, I’m sick of dudes who think that not wanting to have sex with them forever and ever is a character flaw. The end.

Tonight I had to accept a serious blow to my primary coffeeshop relationship As People Who Know Me In Real Life know, I have a strong commitment to one local coffeeshop, which boasts very attractive baristas of indeterminate gender and excellent lentil soup. But today when my mom wanted to try out a new cafe, I was forced to confront the fact that the place down the street has WAY more vegan options. Like, there are at least eight different vegan wraps, and two vegan soups. Also cookies and muffins! That’s crazy! Do you know how crazy that is? Almost as crazy as going to [redacted] and finding that every single fucking vegan baked good is sold out by noon.

Not being in college is weird? There’s this moment in a certain work of fiction by an author I will not name where one character, who’s a ghost, tries to like playfully punch the protagonist, the way he would when he was alive in moments of affectionate ribbing. But since he’s dead, and therefore ephemeral, he can’t actually make contact with her. He’s kind of jarred by this, being recently deceased, and the protagonist says “yeah,” not unsympathetically, “you’re dead, dude.” That was a lot of how it felt to visit one of my not-yet-graduated friends from college this week; there’s nothing like listening to conversations about grade point averages and summer internships to make you feel really fucking weird. Yeah, you’re a grownup now, dude.

I’m so sick of talking about this Daily Show thing I’m so sick of it I’m just not going to do it. Seriously. I’m not even going to link to the people who did. I’m just over it.

Why do kittens grow up ever Did I tell you we got a kitten? Yeah, we did. let me see if I can get a photo for you.

Pretty cute, right? Cute and TINY? I am afraid that when he grows up, which will be in like approximately a week, I will have to love him less because he will be a dignified and stately full-grown cat instead of a two-and-a-half pound kitten that I could probably eat and still not be full. Do you see what I mean? Is that heartless? SEE THIS IS WHY I CAN’T HAVE CHILDREN.

I think I am slowly becoming nocturnal I don’t think I’ve gone to bed before 3 this week, which if you were my friend in college and had to put up with me getting sleepy around 11:45, is probably infuriating to know. I don’t know what it’s about! Maybe the fact that it only gets cool enough to form complete thoughts around 10:30 pm? Maybe it’s my debaucherous lifestyle? Maybe the fact that [redacted] coffeeshop stays open til 11? I have no answers for you, Internet. Not today or any other day. Okay? Okay.

Advertisements

1 Comment

Filed under Rachel

One response to “Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

  1. emma

    omg you did not tell me you photoboothed dmitri…that is like raping him…this is like when leora sprayed him with water because it was hot out.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s