Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

Ohmigod I cannot stop eating Normally I like to go light on the food guilt when I write in here, because I feel like that’s not really good for anyone and just turns into that scene in Mean Girls where they talk about how much they hate their nail beds or whatever. But this week has been really OOC and I need to talk about it. Yesterday I had only ramen and Easter candy for lunch. Dinner was just Easter candy, no ramen. Plus an apple. Plus a plate of nachos. Today started off on an optimistic note with tabbouleh, but dinner was basically frozen yogurt and mozzarella sticks and more nachos. And then whole wheat toast for dessert. That part was weird. I’m a little afraid I might die? And they’ll have to put a ton of pancake makeup on me for the wake b/c all the junk food is making me break out, and that will just make it that much worse.

I made some thesis decisions I kind of regret at this point. Like telling my advisor I’d have finished the second draft by Monday. To my past self this was completely feasible, and even an attractive prospect; to my present self it is clearly insane. I am also mad at my past self for having eaten all the good Easter candy like the peanut butter stuffed eggs.

I keep getting these messages from “my credit card company” and “the federal student aid department” about “money.” I feel like they should be able to tell all the way from like Delaware or whatever in their corporate offices that I am way too neurotic and incapable of handling even small basic tasks to cope with this. How is that not obvious.

Some of the stuff on thingsmydatereallysaidlastnight does not sound weird to me. What does that mean.

I don’t have a jooooooooooob omg omg what the fuck I would start a countdown to the point when I am released back into the wild and can no longer call eating nachos behind a counter while bearded hipsters play music for me my job, but that would be WAY too anxiety-inducing. Suffice to say that when that day comes, I will not only not have an awesome job, I may not have ANY JOB AT ALL. This has not happened since I was literally fourteen years old.

I miss my Amma All of the sudden. Like right now. I wish I had more pictures of her? Or that she could make me some dosa tomorrow morning? My real mother is taking me to brunch tomorrow, I shouldn’t complain. Would it be weird if I asked my mom to yell at me in a language she doesn’t speak for not eating enough? Probs yes.

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1 Comment

Filed under Rachel

One response to “Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

  1. Peter

    I read that as “Things my DAD really said last night” and got really uncomfortable after the first few.

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