an open letter to reslife

Dear ResLife,

I write because I have a suggestion about the placement of your beds in the dorm I live in.  The beds are not flush against the walls, but they are rooted to the floor, which effectively engenders a problem wherein a small item, like, say, a cell phone that you need for daily use, can fall down the crack between the wall and the bed.  I was reminded this morning, when I was trying to jam my hand down there to retrieve my phone, that this crack between the wall and the bed is by no means hand-sized!  Or even wrist-sized, for that matter!  Surely you can see the dilemma caused by your error in interior design.

I then grew creative and thought to use a rodlike substitute item to push the phone along until it reached the end of the bed, where I could retrieve it using my hands.  For this purpose I selected a surge protector.  Alas, the surge protector is not a heavy item, and often just skimmed over the phone rather than pushing it; I had to redouble my grip on the surge protector, effectively jamming my hand against the wall again, and probably bruising my outer wrist because let’s be honest, I can bruise easily.

Eventually my efforts began to show most positive results.  Hurrah! I thought.  Hurrah!  And then –– oh, but then –– the phone reached the outer corner of the bed and started to go under it.

It seems that these beds you have implemented in our dormitories, these meant-to-be-helpful beds with the wide drawers underneath, are not flush to the floor on their drawerless top and bottom edges.  A small item such as a cell phone can easily get wedged under the top corner of the bed, and that is exactly what happened.  Fortunately, much of the boxspring there is open, so I was able to reach in, curve my arm around, and retrieve the phone after some minutes of effort.

What I suggest, my dear housing authority, is that you make the beds flush to the wall.  I hope no other student ever has to begin their day by discovering they have gotten their arm stuck in a boxspring!  It is sorry to say an unpleasant experience, particularly so early in the morning.  I still have red marks on the inside of my elbow.



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