Monthly Archives: March 2010

Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

To be honest, there is not a whole lot for me to bitch about this week. I have tickets to the Monster Ball! I am on spring break! I have spent this weekend so far with awesome people! Someone just bought me a really fucking sweet tea strainer! There was a sale at the liquor store today! I’m gonna hang out with my mom! But I’m going to find some stuff to complain about anyways. Don’t ever say I don’t treat you right.

When you apply to a thing and they say you’ll hear back from them by March 20 but you don’t Seriously, what is this, it’s like March 28 right now. If I was eight days late with anything I would be failed/fired from my unpaid job(s).

Research studies on stress that are themselves very stressful It seems like someone should have foreseen this problem? I’m a paid participant in a research study on stress right now, part of which study involves me entering my feelings into a PalmPilot every few hours. They ask questions like “How stressed have you been in the last hour?” If your answer is anything besides “not at all,” they ask “What was the most stressful event of the last hour?” I hate this because a) all the things I answer seem really pathetic, like “had to decide whether we should take my car or my friend’s.” and b) roughly 80% of my answers have to do with the study itself. Like “I was moderately stressed in the last hour because for a while I couldn’t find this PalmPilot.” Ultimately this was not worth $60.

Is it acceptable to just wear a “bandeau” as a bra? Can I do that? I don’t really want to go into detail, but I’ve had a variety of negative bra experiences this weekend. I’m a small enough cup size that I only borderline need to wear a bra at all, and I like to imagine that wearing a bandeau has all the benefits of a sports bra without the huge unsightly straps of a sports bra. I am 90% sure Heather is rolling her eyes right now and saying “No, Rachel, everyone knows you can’t do that, were you raised in a cave?” The answer is yes, I was.

Listening to other people talk about LOST when you don’t watch LOST Heather, I swear this is not directed at you. But I did spend like an hour experiencing this on Wednesday, and became increasingly belligerent. “Wow, guys, you know what’s really not interesting? Is listening to you talk.”

Sometimes you want to make cookies but don’t have the stuff to make cookies And let me tell you, that sucks.

My spring break will maybe not actually be that awesome? All I am doing is going home. Normally this is fine, even ideal; all I ever really want to do in life is watch Skins with my pants off and eat dosa, after all.  But Lesbian Spring Break ’10 aka Dinah Shore is happening over my spring break, and it’s not even that I’m not going because after all I can get drunk and sunburned at home, but that it’s my job to fucking liveblog the experiences of every single person I know who is. Seriously, this is a thing I have to do. I will be doing this while everyone else I know is doing this in Palm Springs. Tune in to autostraddle over the next week and a half!

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Stuff Heather Thinks is Super Great

MONSTER BALL MONSTER BALL MONSTER BALL TOUR (Obvs.)

My mom. I’m an only child, and considering, I’m not a total brat.  But –– spoiler alert! –– my mom does tend to spoil me, and many of our arguments actually revolve around something Mom wants to buy me (e.g. a comforter, a pair of winter gloves) when I already have a perfectly good one.  But this week, I’m not whining.  Not only did she, miraculously, lock down Gaga tickets for Rachel and I (holy crap!!), but yesterday she sent me the first care package I’ve received in years… and it came with a T-shirt that said Please don’t ask about the thesis. NICE.

In other Mom news, she’s rewatched the “Telephone” video and “still doesn’t get it.  Is what happens at the beginning, in the prison, is that supposed to be what happens after the diner?  When they get caught?”  I told her the video was a sequel to “Paparazzi” and she practically hung up on me right then.  “Oooh!  I’ll have to watch that tonight!  Then maybe I’ll understand it better!”

Chocolate soymilk. Mm.  Chalk this up on the Pro side of Should I Be a Vegetarian, right up there with hummus and bread.

Lost this week: “Ab Aeterno.” A Richard Alpert episode!  With Richard’s backstory!  And the backstory of the Jacob/Smokey battle!  And Richard sporting long wavy hair and a beard!  OH MY.

Also, he totally looks like Jesus in this picture, but this is the best I could do.

Clearly, the best ep all season –– and one of the top five across the whole series.

Jenny’s Tila Tequila Fridays. Guys, Tila Tequila is crazy.  But Jenny’s Tila-Tweet recaps are hilarious!  Everyone wins.

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small miracles

It’s late and I have only a paragraph of new thesis writing today and also a midterm tomorrow I haven’t studied for, but you know what? I’m going to see Ms. Fierce Bitch herself at the Monster Ball this summer, I managed to put on a pair of skinny jeans over my boxers, Peter found me magical websites to help me find typefaces, I taped a sign that says DON’T PANIC above my desk, and there are pretty pictures on the internet. So overall, we’re going to go ahead and count this day as a success.

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like ice cream with honey

Breaking: WE ARE GOING TO THE MONSTER BALL.

If I ever happened upon a unicorn in some magical forest somewhere — driving my car, say, down a dark wooded road late at night, and the unicorn hesitated in the headlights — I imagine that it would feel much like this.   Did that just happen? I would ask myself, braking to a stop.  How is it possible that that happened?  And then I would realize I was still sitting there, I had places to go, I wasn’t pulled over or even remotely near a stop sign.

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health care blog post #4579

Congress just passed the health care reform bill, which means Obama has only to sign it to make it law.  I am excited and not excited.  I don’t know how to feel about it.  How ’bout you?

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Stuff Heather Thinks is Super Great

Alex Day. Guys, I am no longer quite so embarrassed to admit that the New Year’s Party I attended devolved into me, the Poet, the Professor and the Doctor sitting around a computer and performing mocking Dramatic Readings from the Amazon samples of Twilight and New Moon.  This guy does it too!  And he probably does it better than we did.  He’s got eleven chapters up so far, and here’s the first:

Nice weather. I wore shorts today.  SHORTS!  In March!  I also ate my lunch outside and worried I would burn my calves.  It has been an exciting day for sure.

The creative writing faculty. Man, everyone is so nice to me about my thesis!  Good thing someone has faith, amirite?

Internet media, apparently. If I ever decide to start up a MySpace, we will know I have become an addict.  Please stop me before that happens.

Sady’s analysis of “Telephone.” There is legitimately nothing I could say here that would be funnier or more astute than that.

The stage production of The Lion King. OMG SO GOOD, and not just because the LK ties with Mulan as my favorite Disney movie.  Guys, the puppetry in that show is RIDICULOUS.  Look at these giraffes:

Yeah, those are people wearing giant attachments on their heads and stilts on their extremities.

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an open letter to reslife

Dear ResLife,

I write because I have a suggestion about the placement of your beds in the dorm I live in.  The beds are not flush against the walls, but they are rooted to the floor, which effectively engenders a problem wherein a small item, like, say, a cell phone that you need for daily use, can fall down the crack between the wall and the bed.  I was reminded this morning, when I was trying to jam my hand down there to retrieve my phone, that this crack between the wall and the bed is by no means hand-sized!  Or even wrist-sized, for that matter!  Surely you can see the dilemma caused by your error in interior design.

I then grew creative and thought to use a rodlike substitute item to push the phone along until it reached the end of the bed, where I could retrieve it using my hands.  For this purpose I selected a surge protector.  Alas, the surge protector is not a heavy item, and often just skimmed over the phone rather than pushing it; I had to redouble my grip on the surge protector, effectively jamming my hand against the wall again, and probably bruising my outer wrist because let’s be honest, I can bruise easily.

Eventually my efforts began to show most positive results.  Hurrah! I thought.  Hurrah!  And then –– oh, but then –– the phone reached the outer corner of the bed and started to go under it.

It seems that these beds you have implemented in our dormitories, these meant-to-be-helpful beds with the wide drawers underneath, are not flush to the floor on their drawerless top and bottom edges.  A small item such as a cell phone can easily get wedged under the top corner of the bed, and that is exactly what happened.  Fortunately, much of the boxspring there is open, so I was able to reach in, curve my arm around, and retrieve the phone after some minutes of effort.

What I suggest, my dear housing authority, is that you make the beds flush to the wall.  I hope no other student ever has to begin their day by discovering they have gotten their arm stuck in a boxspring!  It is sorry to say an unpleasant experience, particularly so early in the morning.  I still have red marks on the inside of my elbow.

Sincerely,
Heather

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