Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

I know this is really fucking behind. I’m sorry, Heather has even written actual legitimate posts in between the time I was supposed to have written this and now. Don’t ask why I’m so late; I can’t even tell you.

I HATE:

Rain. Yesterday I turned to my roommates and said “If it rains again, I am going to kill myself.” They laughed uncomfortably and then told me it is supposed to rain all week. I have no working rain boots, no umbrella, and my windshield wipers are broken. I think this is where the kids would say “fml.”

Hipster motherfuckers who don’t tip You know who you are. BEARDED GUY. Don’t flatter yourself by thinking I flirted with you because I wanted to. I had my hand on the motherfucking tip jar, you useless human being. Take the hint.

Hamlet. Not necessarily even the play; just the dude. He was Harry Potter before Harry Potter was Harry Potter, amirite? “Blah blah blah my customary suits of solemn black, I know not “seems,” Mother, blah blah blah, I’m depressed.” Maybe you should have killed yourself during that soliloquy and saved me a bunch of reading, buddy.

Facebook invites All of them, forever

Costco I have many complicated and conflicting feelings about this place. They are, in no particular order: 1. Every store should be Costco. The economic recession would be over. I can never ever find a parking spot, ever. 2. They sell quinoa in bulk now for $10 for 4 pounds! So great! 3. Coscto turns people into animals. I almost witnessed a cart-rage incident at like 11 am. 4. It’s so hit-and-miss with the free samples. Sometimes it’s like “grilled queso with mango salsa!” or “delicious bread with bruschetta!” and sometimes it’s like “chickpeas covered in shit-colored sauce that doesn’t taste good.” 5. What do we think about their liquor section? y/n?

When your tofu freezes and gets fucked up Seriously, look at this:

Meme Roth Fuck that bitch. In an entirely figurative sense. In reality, you should not fuck her, ever. She’ll be all “no, I need to be on top, I burn more calories that way.”

Sabra Sun-dried Tomato Hummus Seriously, pine nut hummus 4 lyfe. This shit tastes weird.

IN OTHER NEWS, THIS MAN EXISTS. His photo is my favorite thing on the internet right now.

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(originally here)

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7 Comments

Filed under Rachel

7 responses to “Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

  1. Heather

    agh! That tofu looks like one of the tennis-playing blancmanges from that Monty Python sketch about people turning into Scotsmen.

    Also, yes, PINE NUT HUMMUS 4 LYFE

  2. I have so many feelings, but it all basically comes down to “I want to cut off Meme Roth’s legs and blend them into a health shake that I then force her to drink”

  3. Batia

    Re: food
    1) Frozen tofu, though different in texture, is good in its own way.
    http://justbento.com/handbook/johbisai/poached-frozen-tofu-fried-frozen-tofu-cutlets
    http://eatveggiecookie.blogspot.com/2009/08/experimentation-sunday-freezing-tofu.html
    2) Sun-dried tomatoes are gross.

    Re: other
    1) Meme Roth is gross.

    • Peter

      I said this out loud, so I should say it on the internet too: I really appreciate you stepping up and finding a use for frozen tofu. You are really great.

  4. emma

    yo that guy’s HOT.

    fucking love all bulk shopping (via costco or “bjs”)

    flirting with customers so they’ll tip you/not get mad at you is such a soul-crushing experience, but a necessary part of working retail or food service.

    • Heather

      Wait until the customer in question tells you that he wants to make jewelry out of your eyes, then see how long you can keep it up. (Answer: not long.)

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