Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

I am wearing a wool hat INSIDE right now. Do you know why? Because it is cold. Or I am cold. It was actually relatively very warm today, and I know this, but it does not make me feel any warmer. What if I am just perpetually cold? Like, for the rest of my life? What if I can never feel warmth (aka happiness) again? Oh God, I just opened the preheated oven to put my dinner inside it and almost just wanted to stay there/crawl in. THIS IS AWFUL.

John Mayer. I am tempted to put all of his crazy/totally offensive recent quotes here in a huge block, because I don’t think I can say anything that will do them justice. But I guess you guys all read Jezebel and it would be kind of pointless. I think what I hate most of all might be that I get the sense John Mayer is like that guy in high school who thought it was funny to get kicked out of class for yelling PENIS – like, I think he likes it when we get all upset and offended, I think he thinks that’s funny. There is no correct way to respond, other than to point out how angsty “No Such Thing” was and God, why don’t you just cry about it, John Mayer?

Am afraid I might die of junk food I want to quote my compatriot Emma here for a minute when I say that “fifty percent of what I eat is commendable (fair trade tea! cabbage! lentils!) but the other fifty percent is less so (Reeseโ€™s peanut butter cups! Diet Dr. Pepper! alcohol!).” Lately I have been tending heavily towards the latter half, and it is not doing anything to help my irrational anxiety of things like carcinogens/heart disease/growing extra body parts because of the hormones in processed foods/hating myself because I gain 10 pounds. It did not help to find this article on raw foodism and have my weird attitudes about foods heightened. I am often tempted to do borderline crazy food things like cut out all sugar from my diet or only eat organic food where the animals have been taught to read or “eat raw,” and this article manages to make it sound horrifying to me without actually dampening my interest in it. Mostly where I am at right now is thinking that a “raw” diet would make me crazy, but also being pretty sure that I am already crazy. I mean, I have eaten cookies for breakfast for three days in a row.

Am I the only person in the world who does not care about the Olympics? Yes.

My thesis gives me so many feelings you guys This whole post is turning into one big Emma shoutout, huh? That’s cool. You know how there were those girls in high school whose entire sense of self-worth was obviously and painfully based on how much male attention they received/whether their boyfriends noticed that they had shaved their pubic hair into an elaborate artistic statement just for them? I think that slowly but surely I am developing that relationship with my thesis. Like, my advisor wrote me one quasi-postive email (“I agree that this revision is an improvement on the previous draft!”) and it is really, really embarrassing how many times I’ve read it over to myself.

All I want to do is drop out of school and bake bread. There, I said it. That’s all now. That’s it.

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11 Comments

Filed under Rachel

11 responses to “Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

  1. emma

    the john mayer article was THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE EVER READ. it transcended offensiveness and went right back into awesome. i heard he started crying onstage. i want to be like, never apologize, john mayer. this is the first time i have ever liked you.

    i have been eating so much. and my thesis also makes me want to drop out of school, albeit not to bake bread. mostly to eat bread. seriously. eat so much.

  2. Am I the only person in the world who does not care about the Olympics?

    No! Totally not. I’m coming out of lurkdom just to say that I also do not care even a little about the Olympics, and I’m about to defriend everyone on Twitter because they won’t shut up about it. Seriously. Not that interesting, internet.

    • Rachel

      thank you both for the affirmation of all my feelings and for de-lurking. both are sincerely appreciated.

    • Heather

      oh man! a delurker! hello! you should comment more, you sound sensible.

      mostly I only like the Olympics because of ice skating, and really only when Johnny Weir does it.

      • Okay, point. I will watch anything Johnny Weir does, because he is totally adorable. Also because pretty much any time anyone does Lady Gaga stuff, I cannot look away. It’s like a sickness.

    • Oh god, I feel the same way. Guys I do not even care how proud you are of your country (Americans and Canadians both) and I don’t care who won gold and god i just want to watch RuPaul’s Drag Race and never hear about this shit again.

  3. Batia

    I WILL DROP OUT AND BAKE BREAD WITH YOUR RACHEL.

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