Things Rachel Fucking Hates

Hey guys, sorry I’m late, it turns out I have had literally zero idea what day it is all week. But apparently today is Monday, and tomorrow is Tuesday, and I didn’t get out of bed until 2 today. When I did, I had a voicemail from my friend telling me she found my ID down by the train tracks (seriously) but I think she is on a plane to Israel right now soooooo I guess I will check out those library books another time. It is 4:30 pm and dark already,  I haven’t eaten anything yet today, and no one except my mom is answering my text messages.

Just so you know we we’re coming from.

Why is 30 Rock not, like, all about Toofer. I just sat down and watched Season 1 for like three hours straight last night, and seriously, there is no one who makes better facial expressions in the entire world. I want him and Cerie to have their own spinoff show. The end.

Seriously, Uganda, what are you doing to me. This sounds like a joke. Like a bad joke about gay genocide that would get cut from SNL. How is this real? How is this a thing? What the fuck is this?

Reading anything and everything about this issue makes me feel like I am crazy. Or like everyone else is crazy. I don’t know the difference anymore.

Sometimes people have the nerve to write underwhelming things about Lady Gaga, and that is not okay. 2009 has been a pretty shitty year, guys.  I won’t lie. But Lady Gaga has been like THE ONE GOOD THING, I am not kidding. So when someone with a real journalism job writes that she is “an over-hyped star” and “the ultimate triumph of style over substance,” I lose my shit. What do you think “substance” is, exactly, Bryony Gordon? The Pussycat Dolls? Clay Aiken?  I hope you choke alone in your apartment.

I have one month to revise my thesis and get it into a state where I am not embarrassed for my advisor to see it. Are you excited? Because I am.

Ok guys usually I like to have five things but right now I need to go pack a squash into my stuff to go home. And then maybe just go back to sleep. GOODNIGHT I LOVE YOU

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