Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS GUYS

New York, you’re a motherfucker. Remember when Jay-Z was all “There’s nothing you can’t do now that you’re in New York”? Well guess the fuck what, Jay-Z, queers can’t get married. Still. Again. Whatever. Fuck all y’all. Fuck the Yankees, fuck your cheesecake, your pizza, your dirty-ass subway, and the Chrysler building. We’re done.

Everything that being a grownup entails. Did you know that just ordering checks takes like a half hour on the phone and almost fifty dollars? BECAUSE IT DOES. That’s not even if you’re ordering the “secure” checks with the foil strip. Why are you trying to sell me checks with foil on them? Just to make sure I don’t microwave them? Fuck you, I love microwaving stuff. And don’t get me started on trying to renew your registration or pay your goddamn parking tickets, because clearly I don’t know shit about that.

Emma got to see Lady Gaga and I didn’t All I have ever WANTED is to see Lady Gaga be carried around by her vagina on stage and pantomime masturbation and then tell me that she is sad when I am sad. It is possible that there is no God.

When bagels are not toasted properly. I have actually gone ahead and spent real money on bagels like twice this week, only to find out that instead of being toasted they have just kind of been made warm. As if they were microwaved. Not worth $2.89, you guys!

Oh hey what was that about finals It’s not that I even have that much work, just that my threshold for being able to do it is so incredibly low now. Like, basically anything that’s not watching 30 Rock or sleeping is not worth my time. Who was it that fell asleep at 6 pm yesterday to dream about zombies? OH RIGHT IT WAS ME

WELL FUCK YOU TOO UGANDA WHY DON’T YOU AND JAMAICA JUST GO HAVE A TEA PARTY OR SOMETHING

Can you die from eating too many dates? Because if so, I think I might die.

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2 Comments

Filed under Rachel

2 responses to “Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

  1. emma

    had a similar bagel experience at the manchester nh airport last week. 😦

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