Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

Kelly Clarkson photoshopped. I know everyone in the entire world has heard about this already, but just in case you haven’t: Self magazine shamelessly photoshopped like 50 pounds off of Kelly Clarkson for what was – get this – their “Total Body Confidence” issue. Yes. There are many levels of absurdity and irony to this; for instance, Kelly Clarkson in real life and not fantasy-magazine-cover-land is actually really notable for being totally fine with her weight, body and image, telling obnoxious reporters who harass her about it that they’re the ones who seem to have a problem with it, not her. I feel like this dovetails nicely with Heather’s post. Moral of the story: seriously, stop buying those magazines. (In related, more positive news, Glamour magazine recently published a photo of An Actual Woman who is about size 12 without photoshopping her. Needless to say there was a huge positive response from readers.)

Corporal punishment in schools. The other day one of my friends told me that slavery was still legal in Mauritius until, like, 2007. (Although I guess I haven’t checked to see if that’s true? If it’s not, MY BAD MAURITIUS.) I had pretty much identical reactions to that piece of information and this. For real? Really, guys? Corporal punishment – that means beating – of children is still legal in the US? In school? My dream of a world where gay kids can go to school without fearing that they will be imprisoned inside lockers or shoved down the stairs seems kind of ridiculous if it’s really still okay for teachers to hit kids.

People who turn left at intersections. I’ve tried really hard to deny this, but it’s just the truth. There are eight cars behind you! Can’t you just turn right and then make a u-turn? Jesus.

Pretty much all literature written before the year 1850. There. I said it. Do you hear that, Shakespeare? I mean, I guess Homer isn’t so bad, and obvs I am down with Sappho. And like the Bible or whatever. Other than that, though, you and I have nothing to say to each other, pre-1850s foundational texts of the Western canon.

Liberation. Good thing we fixed that stuff, huh? Good thing everyone is free now, and able to live without fear of senseless violence or oppressive tyranny. Because that would be absolutely fucking reprehensible.

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