in a model world…

  • men would have the headgear options of baseball caps, fedoras, and top hats.  No more bucket hats, please.  And enough of these cowboy hat shenanigans, Texas.
  • magazines sold at the registers in grocery stores would have headlines that expanded beyond HOW TO LOSE HALF YOUR BODY WEIGHT IN SIX WEEKS! and GUESS WHAT CELEBRITY IS HAVING SEX WITH ANOTHER CELEBRITY?!*
  • sexual orientation wouldn’t matter, and neither would skin color.
  • a department store employee, upon espying that a thirteen-year-old boy has taken up residence on one of the display sofas and is currently clipping his toenails, his bare feet propped on the display coffee table, would be able to escort said thirteen-year-old out of the store, as that sort of behavior is gross and disrespectful, not to mention displeasing to view for the other customers.
  • WebMD would require one to take a “Could You Be a Hypochrondriac?” quiz before entering their website.
  • college would not cost so much freaking money.
  • people would still argue, because they would just find new things to argue about.  Furniture, anyone?  IKEA’s a pretty good subject to fight over, I think.

*In related news, I hear that Weight Watchers is the way to go, and that Neil Gaiman’s dating Amanda Palmer.



Filed under Heather

2 responses to “in a model world…

  1. Rachel

    My brother totally just bought a bucket hat. I’m not even kidding. I would almost prefer a cowboy hat.

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