Monthly Archives: August 2009

Stuff Heather Thinks is Super Great

Cooking. Guys, I learned to make pierogi this week! And chicken cordon bleu, and falafel (kind of)! It was more cooking –– and more complicated cooking –– than I have done in a very long time. It has filled me with a fervor for making my own fancy meals that can’t be quenched, largely because we are back at school now and I have a meal plan. (Which is to say: Rachel, I envy your full apartment kitchen.)

Ice cubes. Oh, no, this glass of water isn’t helping to assuage the recent spate of awful awful humidity!  What shall I do to keep from fainting?  Good sir –– nameless inventor of the plastic ice cube tray –– I would send you a fruit basket if I could.

Sleeping. You know what I’m talking about.

District 9. OMG you guys, so so good. Love it for one of the same reasons I love George Saunders: because it deals with its central event, fantastical as it may be, with incredible realism. If aliens were to show up on Earth, I feel that this is how we would treat them. And on that note –– about time someone went back to using sci-fi to remark on issues (racism, etc.) in today’s society!

Returning to college. Boy, did I miss you silly people.

Decorating. Helped the Photog deck out her new room (along with the State) last night. Now I’ve gotta work on mine; hers has classy art all over the walls, photographs and Renoirs and such. Mine is all posters and printouts of Kate Beaton comics.  Which I like, don’t get me wrong, but with the posters all being the same size, the layout on my walls look terribly blocky and that’s ruining the overall aesthetic, you know?  If Frank from Trading Spaces were here he would guffaw for a good long camera shot and then tell me to “get on outta here, Chuckles.”

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Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

When things are supposed to be bite-sized but are not actually bite-sized I am looking at you here, sushi. I know I am just supposed to pop you in my mouth, but I also know that if I do I will look like a blowfish and be gagging on delicious nori. Why could you not be made just a tiny bit smaller so that I do not have to try to bite you in half and then spill all of you all over myself? Same goes for you, Lindor truffles.

The new series of Lanvin perfume ads. I would like to write something intelligent and articulate about how disturbing the prevalence of images of eroticized dead women is, but I just can’t even find words. This is too weird to evenn make sense of. Somewhere in the towering corporate entity that I imagine Lanvin to be there was a board meeting, and someone at this board meeting said “What if we posed a bunch of models so they were stiff and pale and looked like corpses, and then had cats crawl all over them? I think that would sell perfume.” And everyone else at the table was apparently in agreement. What can you say about that?

Parties at the beginning of the year. Oh freshmen, it makes me anxious and sweaty all over again just looking at you. Guy who is standing stock-still like a deer in headlights in the middle of the dance floor! You are clearly not having fun, just go home! Girl who is gyrating her hips into every unfortunate boy who passes by her! Settle down, I am embarrassed just looking at you! Douchey white guy who is trying to dance to Crank Dat! Sit the fuck down! I think all of you should stay home until spring semester when you have your shit together a little bit more.

Tom Delay is going to be on Dancing with the Stars? I’m not even sure it’ s accurate to say that I hate this. Mostly I am just bewildered. What feelings are even appropriate to have about that?

I think I am too old to enjoy Quentin Tarantino anymore. I’ve searched my soul, and I honestly don’t think I really want to see Inglourious Basterds. And not only because the intentionally mispelled name annoys me. I just don’t think I have it in me anymore to watch people being scalped and chainsawed and set on fire for fun, even if those people are Nazis and Brad Pitt is in it and has a funny/endearing accent. I think I’ve just reached that age where all I really want to do is settle down with a cup of tea and watch a nice documentary or two.

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summer in list form

Oh man I move back to school in two days,  summer is basically over and I have still not been to a bonfire on the beach and I only have 48 more hours to wash my car in a bikini! I guess it is time to make lists.

Books read: 17. I think.

Times my computer has stopped working: 3. IN ONE SUMMER

Internships: 4, if you count the one that is technically for the fall but which I have already started

Peach-based desserts made: 5

Words written on thesis: ~19,500. I stopped using pagecounts because the formatting is so fucked up that it’s inaccurate. But many words.

Number of Smitten Kitchen recipes made: many! I am happy about this

Mangoes eaten: like nine? This was good, but I can do better

Times I have washed a car in a bikini: ZERO, I have failed at summer

Times I have driven to the airport to pick someone up and gotten lost: 2. Which was 100% of the times.

Times I have seen Heather: Like two? Three? Not enough.

Tracks on the new Regina CD that I hadn’t heard before: 8!

Games of croquet played: 2! Okay one and a half. I was born to be a Victorian maiden (and then move to India and play cricket with Aamir Khan!)

Times I have listened to “Obsessed” and “Birthday Sex”: I’m embarrassed to tell you!

Birthdays had: 1! It was  great one. I had a balloon! And ravioli! And the waitress couldn’t figure out how to read my ID!

Bouquets of flowers left secretly on the hood of my car while I was at work: 1. Man, this has been a great summer.

If you are interested in quantifying your own summer in a meaningful way, Autostraddle has helpfully created a summer scavenger hunt that will assist you in determining if your summer was awesome. Also if you did manage to wash your car in a bikini and have a picture of it you can get it on the INTERNET, which let’s be real is what you’ve always wanted. Make it happen. I LOVE YOU ALL I HAVE TO GO PACK NOW GOODNIGHT SWEET DREAMS

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goodbye summer

Hours worked: 370
Total thesis pages: 102
Pages actually written this summer: 49
Stories begun: 5
Stories finished: 1
Stories rewritten into new ones: 2
Books read: 23
Tubs of hummus consumed: approximately 4.5
Muscles strained/pulled from the gym: approximately 3
Bowls of cereal eaten: 1 billion?  I have no idea.

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Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

Kelly Clarkson photoshopped. I know everyone in the entire world has heard about this already, but just in case you haven’t: Self magazine shamelessly photoshopped like 50 pounds off of Kelly Clarkson for what was – get this – their “Total Body Confidence” issue. Yes. There are many levels of absurdity and irony to this; for instance, Kelly Clarkson in real life and not fantasy-magazine-cover-land is actually really notable for being totally fine with her weight, body and image, telling obnoxious reporters who harass her about it that they’re the ones who seem to have a problem with it, not her. I feel like this dovetails nicely with Heather’s post. Moral of the story: seriously, stop buying those magazines. (In related, more positive news, Glamour magazine recently published a photo of An Actual Woman who is about size 12 without photoshopping her. Needless to say there was a huge positive response from readers.)

Corporal punishment in schools. The other day one of my friends told me that slavery was still legal in Mauritius until, like, 2007. (Although I guess I haven’t checked to see if that’s true? If it’s not, MY BAD MAURITIUS.) I had pretty much identical reactions to that piece of information and this. For real? Really, guys? Corporal punishment – that means beating – of children is still legal in the US? In school? My dream of a world where gay kids can go to school without fearing that they will be imprisoned inside lockers or shoved down the stairs seems kind of ridiculous if it’s really still okay for teachers to hit kids.

People who turn left at intersections. I’ve tried really hard to deny this, but it’s just the truth. There are eight cars behind you! Can’t you just turn right and then make a u-turn? Jesus.

Pretty much all literature written before the year 1850. There. I said it. Do you hear that, Shakespeare? I mean, I guess Homer isn’t so bad, and obvs I am down with Sappho. And like the Bible or whatever. Other than that, though, you and I have nothing to say to each other, pre-1850s foundational texts of the Western canon.

Liberation. Good thing we fixed that stuff, huh? Good thing everyone is free now, and able to live without fear of senseless violence or oppressive tyranny. Because that would be absolutely fucking reprehensible.

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Stuff Heather Thinks is Super Great

Mad Men. The wait for the third season was worth it for the Sal plotline alone. Oh my God, pretty much every scene with Sal in it broke my heart.

The scenes with Godric and with Hoyt’s mom on True Blood this week. Autostraddle pretty much sums it up. Goodbye, Godric, goodbye. Wish I’d gotten to see more of you, but you went gracefully. And as for you, Hoyt’s mom? You can drown in your own tears and beers, lady.

“Somebody’s Watching Me,” Rockwell. The result of combining music that belongs in a video game with paranoia and the adenoids of someone who should perform “The Monster Mash.” Best lines include “When I’m in the shower I’m afraid to wash my hair” and, in a very let’s-give-spookiness-the-old-college-try voice, “Is the MAILMAN watching me?!… The IRS?!”

My parents. Sometimes –– okay, a lot of times –– I underestimate them. But they are good people.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Missed the boat on this one, I know, but after swimming a very long while I have at last managed to grab hold to a porthole outcrop and now cannot stop binge-viewing. The people on this show are stupidly, shockingly, hilariously reprehensible. Suggested alternate title: Activities One Should Never, Ever Do in Real Life, Including But Not Limited to Putting a Baby in a Tanning Bed (Even Just to Get a Base!), Stabbing Someone with a Fork, Imitating a Priest, and Riding Around in Wheelchairs You Don’t Need in Order to Play on Women’s Sympathies and Thusly Seduce Them.

This diagram.

Thank you, Indexed! You’ve done it again. Good going!

The Kid Wonder’s skill set. Clearly superior to mine, as demonstrated by sawing trees, beating my ass at Mario Kart, and naming snails (Francesca, Naomi, and Gary being a select few). Also, holding his breath while snorkeling.

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human of the year

Hey guys! Listen, here is the deal: defying all expectations, I have found myself having a lot of positive feelings this week. I wasn’t sure how to handle it; usually hating stuff is something I’m really into. But I know I shouldn’t hide my light under a bushel, so I’m going to make a little list of things that I’m really into right now.

Regina Spektor’s new album Far. Oh man, this is really beautiful. It has new songs on it! And old songs that are just slightly different in the way that they’re performed so I love them all over again. Like, I have tears in my eyes a little bit listening to it right now. But in a good way! In a very good way.

This news story about a transwoman who performed her own SRS after being ridiculously waitlisted. Is it weird that I find this really, really moving? Like, the sadness of her having to wait 61 years to finally have a body she feels comfortable in contrasted with the self-possessed and content way she says “From the moment I walked down the stairs after I did it I just felt right.” It makes me want to stand up and applaud.

Today I helped one of my friends lower her couch from an upstairs balcony with rope. Yes.

Margaritas! I can drink those now! Legally! I’m 21! How nice! I love everything! I love you! Let’s hug! Also in related news it turns out my mom has a stash of contraband Cuban rum, true story

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