Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

Sorry this is hella late, and also sorry about the extreme lack of blogging this week. Peter probably would have done an admirable job filling in, but sadly Heather and I didn’t have it together enough to make that happen. I apologize! I still hate a lot of stuff! Perhaps it will even serve as a kind of update.

Sunburns. I was unhappy when I got sunburned in between my shoulderblades last week – exactly the spot that you’re not able to scratch or apply lotion to yourself. But then I got sunburned all the way up and down both legs, and decided that was much worse. I am a thick-black-rimmed-glasses-with-skinny-jeans kind of girl, and let me tell you that tight denim is not soothing to sunburns. Also, I just scratch constantly now, and I think my coworkers think I have fleas.

The crick in my neck. In the past two weeks I have slept in two planes and a variety of cars all over the East coast, after flying to and from California and then driving to and from Jersey. Once in Jersey, I slept on a daybed, which as far as I can tell is a glorified futon covered with throw pillows. I hate to sound like a whiny old lady, but goddamn did I miss my Tempurpedic neck pillow. This shit hurts.

Not going to writing camp. Aaaaaagh you have no idea how jealous of Heather I am. I bet Thisbe makes fucking fantastic cranberry muffins or scones or whatever.

When my shit breaks. While I was in Jersey, my laptop stopped working. Again. For the third time this summer. You know, the summer where I am trying frantically to pound out my thesis. This was irritating, but I tried to be Zen about it. After all, what’s a thesis? But then, in a fucking Perfect Storm of technology disasters, my GPS literally exploded into different pieces, and then the next thing to break was my fucking car. If I finish this blog entry before the desktop PC I’m writing it on fucking bursts into flames, I’ll be impressed.

Cyberchondria. I recently accused Heather of having this, – the tendency to research the (extremely common and innocuous) symptoms you’re experiencing online, and conclude that you have a fatal disease ranging from pancreatic cancer to Japanese encephalitis. And while I’m still 100% sure that I was correct and justified in doing so, I have to admit that I succumb to it sometimes too. Most recently my thing is magnesium deficiency. Frequent tension headaches? Check. Back pain? Check. Itchy eyes? Grinding teeth? Sleep spasms? I have even managed to convince myself that I maybe have a mild case of “tingling/numb hands.” If you need me, I’ll be over there, eating magnesium supplements with a spoon.

More to come later! More lists! More updates! More imagined medical conditions! Stay tuned!

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3 Comments

Filed under Rachel

3 responses to “Stuff Rachel Fucking Hates

  1. Heather

    why were you in Jersey?

    also, fun fact: Thisbe grinds her teeth too! i know this because Emma told everyone at camp that i hum in my sleep and Thisbe then decried how she only ground her teeth in her sleep, how unfortunate. i almost said, “Rachel does that TOO!” but decided that bringing you up 457 times in one week was perhaps too much (and furthermore that the fact of knowing this might raise questions).

    also, her backyard is apparently the world capital of mosquitoes, so i can’t stop scratching either.

    • Rachel

      Remember how I couldn’t come to writing camp because of family vacation? Jersey was the family vacation. It was mostly okay I guess.

      Part of me hopes Thisbe reads this one day so she will realize how much we talk about slash like her. Part of me hopes she won’t, because then she won’t know how creepy we are.

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