• There is such a thing as hot dog-flavored potato chips.
  • Despite their better judgment, there are people that will still buy those chips.
  • From inside a building, fireworks sound less like a patriotic celebration than they do an air raid.
  • Fireworks also mangle the senses. So if you’re driving a car in a parking lot where there’s fireworks going on, people –– oftentimes carrying a bag of hot dog-flavored potato chips –– are bound to step in front of your car abruptly and then, at a turtlesque rate, cross the lane. Drive at a maximum speed of three miles an hour to avoid manslaughter charges.

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