Every male-bodied individual I know. Thank you for not being Tucker Max.
Phil Hartman. Arguably the best performer Saturday Night Live turned out in its first 25 years. Why wasn’t I born a decade earlier, so I could appreciate him before he died? The man made a caveman frozen in ice, dethawed and put through law school totally hilarious (like 12 years before GEICO decided to do a caveman campaign). And for those of you who didn’t catch 1980s/’90s reruns of SNL before Comedy Central started airing MADtv, Phil Hartman also voiced Lionel Hutz and Troy McClure (who you may remember from [insert B-movie here]).
The European video for “I Want You Back.” When NSYNC broke America they made a new music video for their single, abandoning this one for a more manly video involving Jetskis and basketball. It’s not hard to see why: here they’re in space, gyrating in spandex semi-turtlenecks, while all dating the same –– apparently holographic –– girl. In other words, why did we get stuck with the boring new version?
Making fun of Twilight. Seriously, props to Stephenie Meyer. She’s given me enough material to last thirty dinner parties. (“This chicken kiev is delicious, Maureen. Chickens would turn vampiric just to try this. And on the subject of vampires, how much of a wuss is Edward Cullen? Am I right?”)
Heart-to-hearts. I handle serious conversations the way Weird Al Yankovic does parodies: with an enthusiasm that makes up for their infrequency.