takin’ it to the max

So I’d heard of Tucker Max, Bastard Extraordinaire, before (from my friend the Politico: “OH MY GOD, he is such an asshole! But I can’t stop reading his stories, unfortunately; they make me so fucking mad!”), but hadn’t remembered his name well enough to check out his website myself until last night. Now that I have, I see why people find him so hilarious (and such a dick). I’ve read four of, quote, ” The Tucker Max Stories” thus far, and they all seem to require six essential components:

1. Vodka
2. Vomit
3. Gap boxers (preferably pink)
4. Following his penis around like an abandoned puppy
5. Making fun of people
6. Referring to himself in the third person

He also calls himself an asshole pretty much all the time, which makes you feel like he’s pulling a Jessica Simpson of masculinity. In the same way I find it hard to believe that Jessica Simpson was dumb enough to confuse tuna with chicken (who the hell would put chicken in a tiny can marked with tunafish?!), I suspect Tucker Max of posing as a total dick. I’m not saying he’s not a jerk, but seriously. He had to be making some shit up. In which case, I guess that makes him more of an asshole? And furthermore: what the hell kind of culture are we living in that rewards people with fame/money/popularity for being a jackass?

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