the backstory to your cappuccino

By day, I am a mild-mannered liberal arts student with messy hair and a penchant for cardigans. But at night, my thick-framed black eyeglasses betray me as a barista. I become aloof and pretentious instead of just socially inept, and capable of serving you a barely drinkable latte and then arching an eyebrow when you don’t tip. The cafe where I work serves snacks and ice cream along with the coffee, and hosts performances, concerts, and club events. Tonight my superfab coworker and I were working during a particularly unenjoyable performance, and fell back on the predecessor of the liveblog: the Notebook Log.  I will share. Blue is me, purple is Alissa.

11:03 What are all these fucking bros doing here? Bros we don’t know!

11:05 SOMEONE ASKED ME TO CARRY THEM A NAPKIN. FUCK ME. He looks like a hunchback

11:11 We are renaming this Samstravaganza (performer of excessively long standup)

11:13 Girl laughing really hard while dumping her grilled cheese in a chocolate shake … is embarrassing herself.

11:16 This guy has a douchey haircut: Y/N

11:18 AWFUL standup, probs freshman

11:22 It is not fair that Alissa gets to take cigarette breaks just because she actually smokes

11:28 Asshole has no new jokes. Freshman think its fonnny it’s NOT!

“This school is like being stuck in a small bathroom.”

11:28 Alissa spells “funny” with three n’s

11:38 Guy in black leather jacket is waiting for Rachel outside the door?!

11:53 update: I hate improv & jocks, but love the giant pokey stick we found

12:08 Okay, there were like two parts of this that were funny. But that was all.

12:18 Playing Closing Time over the sound system.

12:21 Lazy eye douchebag hid bowl and cup under couch

12:30 Should I just put this on fucking repeat? Why aren’t they leaving?

We did put Closing Time on repeat. Eventually everyone left. Also of note is that we found a kippah hidden inside one of the curtains, and have since pinned it to the wall behind the counter. I am in my pajamas at 1:22 am, retroactively liveblogging. Don’t let anyone tell you a college education isn’t worth it, kids.



Filed under Rachel

2 responses to “the backstory to your cappuccino

  1. Heather

    i am so glad you posted this!! aw man!

  2. Peter

    I have grown out of improv.

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