By day, I am a mild-mannered liberal arts student with messy hair and a penchant for cardigans. But at night, my thick-framed black eyeglasses betray me as a barista. I become aloof and pretentious instead of just socially inept, and capable of serving you a barely drinkable latte and then arching an eyebrow when you don’t tip. The cafe where I work serves snacks and ice cream along with the coffee, and hosts performances, concerts, and club events. Tonight my superfab coworker and I were working during a particularly unenjoyable performance, and fell back on the predecessor of the liveblog: the Notebook Log. I will share. Blue is me, purple is Alissa.
11:03 What are all these fucking bros doing here? Bros we don’t know!
11:05 SOMEONE ASKED ME TO CARRY THEM A NAPKIN. FUCK ME. He looks like a hunchback
11:11 We are renaming this Samstravaganza (performer of excessively long standup)
11:13 Girl laughing really hard while dumping her grilled cheese in a chocolate shake … is embarrassing herself.
11:16 This guy has a douchey haircut: Y/N
11:18 AWFUL standup, probs freshman
11:22 It is not fair that Alissa gets to take cigarette breaks just because she actually smokes
11:28 Asshole has no new jokes. Freshman think its fonnny it’s NOT!
“This school is like being stuck in a small bathroom.”
11:28 Alissa spells “funny” with three n’s
11:38 Guy in black leather jacket is waiting for Rachel outside the door?!
11:53 update: I hate improv & jocks, but love the giant pokey stick we found
12:08 Okay, there were like two parts of this that were funny. But that was all.
12:18 Playing Closing Time over the sound system.
12:21 Lazy eye douchebag hid bowl and cup under couch
12:30 Should I just put this on fucking repeat? Why aren’t they leaving?
We did put Closing Time on repeat. Eventually everyone left. Also of note is that we found a kippah hidden inside one of the curtains, and have since pinned it to the wall behind the counter. I am in my pajamas at 1:22 am, retroactively liveblogging. Don’t let anyone tell you a college education isn’t worth it, kids.